Wednesday, April 1, 2009

Mensa Humor

Here are the winners of this year's Washington Post Mensa Invitational, which once again asked readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter and supply a new definition.

1) Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period of time.
2) Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to begin with.
3) Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly.
4) Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.
5) Foreploy: Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of meeting a member of the opposite sex.
6) Giraffiti: Vandalism spray painted very, very high.
7) Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it.
8) Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.
9) Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease.
10) Karmageddon: It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like,  the Earth explodes and its, like, a serious bummer.
11) Decafalon (n.): The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.
12) Glibido: All talk and no action.
13) Dopeler Effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.
14) Arachnoleptic Fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after you've accidently walked through a spider web.
15) Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito, that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.
16) Caterpallor (n.): The color you turn after finding half a worm in the apple you're eating.

The Washington Post has also published the winning submissions to its yearly contest in which readers are asked to supply alternate meanings for common words. And the winners are:

1) Coffee, n. The person upon whom one coughs.
2) Flabbergasted, adj. Appalled by discovering how much weight one has gained.
3) Abdicate, v. To give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.
4) Esplanade, v. To attempt an explanation while drunk.
5) Negligent, adj. Absentmindedly answering the door when wearing only a nightgown.
6) Lymph, v. To walk with a lisp.
7) Gargoyle, n. Olive-flavored mouthwash.
8) Flatulence, n. Emergency vehicle that picks up someone who has been run over by a steamroller.
9) Balderdash, n. A rapidly receding hairline.
10) Rectitude, n. The formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.
11) Pokemon, n. A Rastafarian proctologist.
12) Oyster, n. A person who sprinkles his conversation with yiddishisms.
13) Frisbeetarianism, n. The belief that, after death, the soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there.

Sir Eric Maundry has taken April Fools day off.


  1. Happy April Fool's Day to all you Tattler readers and writers!

  2. That was fun...thanks!

  3. There are a few of our regular posters who are Mensa people!
    Unfortunately, Old Kentucky isn't one of them....I have a room temperature IQ! LOL

  4. Antihistaminer - A nose picker.

  5. Okay, Mensa people!
    Curly has challenged you all!
    Keep it going!

  6. MENSA workout. Do you have what it takes?

  7. Selected ProfileApril 1, 2009 at 8:47 AM

    Surreal: Wheaties from another dimension

  8. Supplemental - an extra layer of insanity.

  9. Nomenclature; the lady's room.

  10. Barium: What we do to most people when they die.

  11. european = hey dude turn the other way european on my boots

  12. Mohair: What bald men want

  13. Carpool Tunnel Syndrome ... the mistaken notion that the Diamond Lane will keep you out of traffic jams.

  14. Mooving: taking bossie to the knacker.

  15. Eyewitless News ... any local news broadcast on ABC Channel 7.

  16. Decidar: the process of kicking one's fermented fruitjuice addiction.

  17. Sir Eric, at the risk of being very undignified, may I respectfully and regretfully point out that you left off one of my favorites (probably due to your good sense):

    Ignoranus. This is someone who is both stupid and an a**h#le.

  18. Affluenza - a disease that hits your bank account.

  19. Advercity: a town where nobody gets along.

  20. Pharmasueticals - Litigious pills

  21. HA-HA! Fabuless...!