- Lyndon Johnson
In an announcement that stunned the entire City of Sierra Madre, City Clerk Nancy Schollenberger revealed today that the blog known as The Sierra Madre Tattler has drawn papers and has committed itself to running for City Council. "It is a bit unprecedented," the normally taciturn City Clerk noted. "There has never been an instance where an actual blog has decided to run for office. But this is Sierra Madre, so who knows what will happen?"
Most candidates didn't seem to want to comment. As a matter of fact, a couple of them seemed as if they'd rather be off doing anything besides running for office. But one incumbent did see some real significance in this, and took the immediate step of informing both the Mayor and Mayor Pro Tem of just how to deal with what he believes will be a difficult political situation for him. That is, speak out and deny everything.
"Everything this blog has written about me is not only untrue, it has also been wrong," said City Council member and candidate Joe Mosca. "Has there ever been anyone in the history of this city who has been subjected to such an onslaught of misinformation? And no, I never ever told the Klines to 'get a life!'"
Attempts to explain to Joe that the video of this unfortunate episode appears on a different internet entity altogether apparently fell upon deaf ears. Perhaps his thoughts were focused a little too intently on the challenges of running for reelection against a blog.
Then Mr. Mosca threw this down. "Today I have decided to challenge the blog known as 'The Tattler' to a one on one debate in order to shed some light upon accusations that I, in my heart and with values I know we all hold dear, believe to be false."
The logistics involved concerned some in City Hall. How exactly would a blog communicate its thoughts in a live televised debate? Do you read it questions, or just type them in? Will wifi be required? And, perhaps most significantly, would the other candidates feel that their campaigns are being cast into the dark with these two hambones sucking up all that SMTV3 time?
One candidate, who requested anonymity, asked, "So why is it a bunch of wires and circuit boards gets to steal the limelight from serious candidates like me? What in God's name makes a Tattler such a big deal? And what the hell is a Tattler anyway?"
Now we did reach The Sierra Madre Tattler, and after a bit of circuit twisting on our part we were able to get in a couple of questions. One in particular that needed to be asked was this: "Why is it that Joe Mosca has received so much attention on this board?"
"Well, it's basically a question of what is going to get the comments," said The Tattler. "I can write about obscure housing laws until I'm blue in the face, and only a certain segment of my readership is going to respond. But poke a little fun at Sacramento Joe, and the comments section lights up like a Christmas tree. You go with what gets them up and dancing, you know?"
"But why the emphasis on comments, Mr. Tattler? Is it because you feel that the kind of traffic this site has enjoyed over the last few months brings some sort of credibility to what you've had to say?"
"Well, there is that to be sure," the blog replied. "But there is also a more spiritual perspective to this as well."
"A spiritual perspective you say? How so?"
"Well, I've never told this to anyone before. I feared that it might not be received all that respectfully. But in the spirit of full disclosure, I will say it now. Every time somebody posts a comment to The Tattler, an angel gets its wings."
We were allowed time for one last question. "Why is it you are running for City Council, Tattler?"
The blog looked thoughtful, and its PC cooling fan began to whir a little. "I've been posting almost nightly now for over a year. Nearly 350 stories. And I'd begun to fear that I've said just about everything I have to say. I guess what I'm saying here is that I decided to run because I need some new material."
A couple of days into the campaign and it looks like The Tattler has already gotten its wish.