Sunday, December 26, 2010

(Tattler Best of 2010 - #7) Mosca: "Our Long Sierra Madre Nightmare of Balanced Budgets and Slow Growth Is Finally Over."

(Ed: Today begins our New Year's countdown of what we think were the Best 7 Tattler posts of 2010. You might disagree. Here is #7, which originally appeared on April 29. The original 58 comments are included.)

What if yesterday's post on Sierra Madre's City Council Reorganization had been written by The Onion instead of The Tattler? If you're not familiar with The Onion it is, in my humble opinion, just about the finest satirical publication in America right now. Click on the link above for an example of what I'm talking about.

So in the spirit of lofty goals, we are going to attempt just such an experiment. And trust me, no flying monkeys were harmed in the creation of this product.

SIERRA MADRE, CA - Mere moments from assuming the mayoralty and closing the door on the MacGillivray-Zimmerman-Watts era, mayor-elect Joe Mosca assured the city in a televised SMTV3 address Tuesday evening that "our long Sierra Madre nightmare of balanced budgets, completed audits, and controlled slow growth is finally over."

"My fellow Sierra Madreans," Mosca said, "at long last we have reached the end of the dark period that will become known as the MacGillivray/Zimmerman Regime, two long years characterized by unprecedented balanced budgets, on time audits, fiscal surpluses, and a respect for the wishes of the people of this town to keep it small and livable. The time has come to put all of that behind us."

Mosca swore to do "everything in my power" to undo the damage wrought by "their" two years in office, including making available any remaining undeveloped hillsides, accepting new debt in order to further expensive and untenable development planning schemes, and passing multi-million dollar "infrastructure" bonds that will put the town deep into hock for decades to come.

During the 40 minute speech, Mosca also promised to bring an end to the city's reckless addiction to independent governance, assuring assembled residents that Sierra Madre will be folded into the closest Washington and Sacramento financed Metropolitan Planning Organization apparatus "in a heartbeat."

"You better believe we're going to jump into bed with SCAG, and pronto. No longer will we endlessly bicker over rightfully mandated RHNA numbers or compliance with planning edicts handed down by Sacramento. From now on when Sacramento says jump, the only question we'll be asking is: 'How high, sir?' Those folks who think living in a city that doesn't knuckle under to the big boys is really special are in for some disappointment. You can bet your granny flats on that one."

On the economic side, Mosca vowed to bring business to a grinding halt by pushing for the immediate removal of all those "pseudo-quaint downtown knick-knack shops and family-style eateries," instead advocating for the immediate construction of block after block of mixed use development and condos similar to those that remain unsold and unoccupied in so many of our sister cities. "The Downtown Specific Plan lives!" crowed the triumphant mayor-elect. "And if you don't think we'll be selling off that parking lot at Howie's, well, I have a nice new parcel up on One Carter you might want to buy."

Consultancies throughout the SCAG Region responded positively to Mosca's message, noting with satisfaction that all those "damn General Plan and Canyon Zone Committee volunteers" were finally going to get the bum's rush they so richly deserve. "That city is running at least a $1 million dollar surplus," confided one consultant who wished to remain anonymous. "There aren't many around with that kind of free money anymore. We're gonna swoop in on that sweet little nest egg in about 3 seconds flat."

Residents have been equally blunt. "After 2 years of the fiscal policies under Mayors MacGillivray and Zimmerman, we had finally reached a point where, just a few weeks ago, one of them actually said that our city's budgetary needs could be funded with a UUT tax less than what we voted for," said stay-at-home father of three Bud Frankel. "That's not the kind of Sierra Madre I want my children to grow up in!"

Another resident put it this way. "I am so tired of Don Watts and all his talk about falling water tables. All I know is that he didn't show up for a single gathering of the Ladies Wine Tasting and Floral Society during his entire 4 years in office. I mean, what exactly were his priorities? They certainly didn't have anything to do with decorum!"

Mosca concluded his speech on a comforting note of healing and unity.

"We as a people must stand united, banding together to divide this town into two," Mosca said. "Much work lies ahead of us: the gap between the Downtown Investors Club and the local slow growth crowd may be wide, but we've much more widening left to do. We must spend our city's hard won budget surplus on state mandates and consultants that will enable policies that favor over-development and the exploitation of our limited remaining natural resources. And if any of my critics ever have the nerve to stand up during public comments and talk about things like water supplies or Measure V, well, we have newspapers that are more than willing to fix their wagons."

"Those days are over," Mosca said. "After a long dark night of fiscal solvency and slow growth, the sun is finally rising once again over Sierra Madre. We look forward to a bright new dawn of debt and unfettered development not seen since the glory days of Mayor John Buchanan."

59 comments:

  1. OMG! This would be hysterically funny if it weren't in fact so close to the truth. You left out the scene where the curtains behind the Mayor move ever so slightly and Bart Doyle is heard to mutter, "Mosca, stick to the script. Don't be confused by what they're saying, just cut them off at three minutes."

    I just want to cry.

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  2. This would be a whole lot funnier if it wasn't so painfully true. There is more truth here than in the entire Mosca reelection campaign.

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  3. .....ONLY HE IS NOT THAT BRIGHT OR ARTICULATE....

    LET'S STOP TALKING ABOUT WHAT HE CANNOT DO. LET'S FOCUS ON WHAT WE CAN DO TO KEEP THE CITY COUNCIL HONEST AND NOT SPEND ANY MONEY.

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  4. Doesn't the monkey's face look like Hail's did Tuesday night?

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  5. Joe just wants to make sure we don't break the law. Isn't that his code language for doing everything Sacramento and SCAG want?

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  6. Reporter Brenda Gazzar of the Star News got it right "While MacGillivray has called for a 'slow growth' approach, Mosca, who won re-election to the council earlier this month, has a greater interest in promoting business and development." So there you have it. It's at least now out in the open. Maybe that's what they meant by transparency.

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  7. Gee, that sure is different than what the Pasadena Star News was saying before the election. Wasn't Joe for "reasonable slow growth" then? A little after the fact truth telling from our garbage pail liner of a daily.

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  8. And on that note are the local land pimps out already making home owners ""offers that cannot refuse".

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  9. Truth is worse than fiction. Remember the Development Services Department deemed the applications for the SNF and Howies properties complete the day before the City Council scheduled Measure V was for an election. Both applications were rushed through the process. This happened during Joffee-Buchanan-Mosca Council December 2006. Those applications with high density building do not need to follow Measure V standards. The Howies property owners tried to move forward with their development a couple of years ago when they tried to get the city owned lot behind their property. The Planning Commission meetings are going to be the most important meetings to attend. You get 4 minutes of public comment at those meeting.

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  10. The City Council will have first reading of Ordinance 666-Adult. This will be a revenue generating source for the City. Card parlors and adult entertainment will be permited on North Baldwin between Sierra Madre Blvd and Montecito Ave between the hours of 9 pm and 4 am. The hours of operations will not impact retail businesses and there will be sufficient parking win the surrounding areas.

    Kathy Childs is expected to oppose the boundries as it does not include her property. The owner of Hotel Shirley requested the Ordinance.

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  11. The Congregational Church has now filed papers with the Department of the Interior in Washington to have it and its membership declared a Native American Tribe. This will enable the Congregational Indian Tribe to open a 30 table blackjack room at the business formerly known as Steamers.

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  12. As a business owner of a day spa/massage parlor I am being discriminated against because my property is not in the proposed 666-Adult zone. I will be sueing the city if Sierra Madre Blvd is not included in the adult zone and the hours of opperation are not changed to normal business owners.

    I would be able to employee the local high school girls and stay and stroller moms in part time /hourly paid positions.

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  13. Hail Hamilton does look like a monkey! An evil monkey at that.
    It's pretty horrifying that man can be the vice principal of a school!
    No wonder our LA Schools are in such a mess.
    I suggest they start giving sanity tests to these people, like Hamilton. What's really disgusting?
    This creep will get a big pension for life. This is where our tax money goes.

    Please vote NO on CC.

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  14. How long before Measure V gets thrown out and the bulldozers and construction trucks start tearing down our downtown and turning it into Pasadena condo/mixed use nightmares?

    Only good news is all your "volunteer fire fighters" who defamed MaryAnn MacGillivray sure can't blame her, when they get rid of all of you.

    Elaine Aguilar, watch your back. They will be plotting getting rid of you and bring back Michelle Keith, who has been "trained" for your job in Bradbury the past few years.
    Why would they want a competent City Manager when they can get Michelle Keith?

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  15. Isn't Steve Heydorff a partner with Kathy Childs in the Montecito property she is trying to sell? And Battalion Chiefs Bamberger and Burnett, now didn't I see their names in support of Bill Coburn's screed against MaryAnn on the sierramadrenews.net? Perhaps the SMVFD should be renamed the SMVFD and Development Auxillary.

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  16. If Heydorff is a partner with real estate/developer Kathy Childs it should be questioned.
    Heydorff was bragging to people on election day that (MacGillivray) Crawford, Watts and Alcorn would be defeated....reason....they were going to disband the SMVFD. What a LIE!

    Heydorff knew damn well this was BS.
    MacGillivray has always been supportive of the SMVFD, the Police and all our volunteers and city employees. SHE ALWAYS HAS.
    What MacGillivray is NOT SUPPORTIVE OF is OVER-DEVELOPMENT of Sierra Madre and SACRAMENTO GOVERNMENT CONTROL OF THIS TOWN and ALL TOWNS AND CITIES in CALIFORNIA.
    I pray she will continue to attend SCAG meetings and fight for our rights.

    This was the real reason she was defamed and lied about by all the DIRTS. This was the reason the real estate/development/political party group got involved and fooled the people and won the election for their puppets.

    The naive public who bought into these lies and considers lobbyist/development supporter/big Sacramento government supporter, Joe Mosca, an honest leader" will find out soon enough, he is just the opposite. He is controlled by the Sacramento Democratic Party and Bart Doyle's BIA and the real estate industry.

    You made a huge mistake, uninformed and misguided voters.
    Big time!

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  17. Onions, Mosca and Doyle make me want to cryApril 29, 2010 at 9:43 AM

    Did any of you click the home button on the Onion Site? Under news in brief, a story dated April 29, 2010 from the inner disk of the andromeda nebula, says God has decided to do away with the andromeda nebula,(that is us) because it has become too impractical and not what he planned, it says we have till May 15, then poof we are gone.

    I am sure it has something to do with the results of the recent Sierra Madre elections.

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  18. God has had it in for the Andromeda Nebula for quite some time. Something to do with it being the home of an overabundance of self-satisfied and overly indulgent layabouts who need to be promised large quantities of wine before they'll do anything charitable.

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  19. if our Council tries to add retail to Sierra Madre, they are just plain stupid, sorry for being so blunt, but anybody with any sense of retail site selection and the cost of advertising and consumer traffic will tell you that Sierra Madre will never ever never be a retail haven, despite what John Buchanan has up his sleeve

    there is just too much retail space available in Monrovia, Arcadia and Pasadena for a retailer to consider Sierra Madre and it would cost too much in ad dollars to try to get customers to drive into Sierra Madre

    I imagine what John B and Josh Moran have planned is just to overload the city with retail space with the bong pipe dream that if you build it, they will come

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  20. Oh dear, Old Kentucky... you think the people who voted for the Moscateer syndicate were fooled? No, no, no. They're part of it. If you could only have been at the re-Org meeting you would have recognized most of the Downtown Dirt groupies and the Dark Lord of the underground, Bart Doyle himself. These folks weren't taken in; they've been regrouping since 2006 and now they're firmly entrenched in the resecting of Sierra Madre. All that's waiting is the resurrection of The Steering Committee to beat the drum for the Congregational Church expansion. Pat Birdsall's got the membership list; just wait for your e-mail.

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  21. 9:51 am
    you got the "bong pipe dream" right.
    Or should it be "snort the white stuff" up their noses.
    I wouldn't care, except it will be our tax money they will be snorting.
    Shame on Sierra Madre voters. You have elected 4 of the worst people in Sierra Madre.

    I hope every last decent soul in Sierra Madre will support our former Mayor MaryAnn MacGillivray. She is your lone voice of TRUTH.

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  22. The only God these people recognize is the money to be made through development and real estate.

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  23. I won't be on Birdsall/Simpson/Harding's steering committee list, Watcher.
    I'm pretty sure you won't either.
    We've all been identified and blacklisted.

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  24. This is a really funny YouTube clip.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ymk15XRBBvQ

    This guy has got to be a DIRT from SIERRA MADRE!

    Funny stuff.

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  25. THAT is hilarious! I'll bet they teach that kind of quadruple talk to all the young party hacks at those "leadership academies" our new Mayor attended.

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  26. So Mosca will recuse himself anytime the SNF issue comes up?

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  27. Comparing the George W. Bush of The Onion article to Joe Mosca here? I love it! The similarities far outweight the differences.

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  28. I agree very strongly with the comment made by "Anonymous".

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  29. Editor, that was a cruel link on your name.
    Just finished lunch, too.

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  30. Ahh, they're just having fun.

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  31. At the meeting I noticed people wearing the I'm for Joe buttons that first appeared when Mosca was, thankfully, passed over as mayor. This means that the buttons were kept on hand - maybe chanted to - for Joe's resurrection.
    The pro-development folks were well organized.
    Very busy, very sneaky. And they won.

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  32. Everyone needs to remember that "business" does is not a huge revenue source for the city. I believe the number was around $200k. Businesses that do business here have to take into account that they have to "make it" with the population that Sierra Madre has. We are not "bringing in the folks" from the outside to spend money here.

    Lozeno's went out of business because of the economy.....Coldstone? Same thing ... look at the new yogurt place in town ...it's the Chinese version of "hit em hard and fast" to make some money....bet it won't be in business in two years and if it is..it will change names 5 times...

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  33. To which anonymous comment was 1:10 referring?
    Thank you

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  34. It is hard to say. Perhaps the posting person is thanking everyone for their time and caring attention.

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  35. Which Anonymous is asking to which anonymous comment was 1:10 referring? Wasn't that comment anonymous?

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  36. The anonymity of the comment seems to point towards the person being anonymous.

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  37. The Unknowingness of the Anonymous PosterApril 29, 2010 at 2:40 PM

    I believe the malady is called "Blog Amnesia." People just forget who they are.

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  38. Anonymity gives greater focus to content.

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  39. It is the truly selfless poster who allows the content, along with the ideas contained within the conversation, take the lead. Plus it keeps you from being cussed out in the local fishwrappers.

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  40. Good news. Driving by the Crater Destruction site, saw two healthy young deer.
    Hope the new mansion owners don't kill 'em.

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  41. I believe the "I'm for Joe" buttons first appeared at the big Joe support turnout CC meeting when the recall petition had legs and he was asking the city clerk to not certify it. Way too bad that the effort came up short of signatures by the deadline and it never made it to the ballot. So, if you saw those buttons again you can get a better sense of how 'Joe the Victim' pulled off this reelection.

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  42. Mosca is not that articulate; you'd know this was a spoof based on that evidence alone...

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  43. I agree 3:00. The exultation of the Joe supporters was intense, because they felt that justice was done.
    What a trip.

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  44. Justice? They were feeling the weight of their pocketbooks and wallets increasing. They know that business development is only a few meetings away! Did you count the realtors, brokers, contractors and so called "business people" in the audience?

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  45. True, true, 3:23, but I also saw very idealistic young women with buttons and beatific smiles.
    And the crowd wasn't motivated just by money - the illusion lives well and strong.

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  46. Joe offers the kind of leadership the superficial enjoy. It comes with the feeling things are being taken care of well, and there is nothing confusing or challenging to mess with your pretty little head. Just nod your head and smile.

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  47. Let em build! First comes ill conceived follies, then the forclosures and wow! you can buy condo's, retail spec stores, and closed up shops for 20 cents on the dollar. The City will need to plan reserves for abandoned property. Shades of SNF. But all is not lost. The LLC's long gone. City Council "enablers" profited. And then the Stonehouse alluvial plain defined as a " a level or gently rolling tract or slightly undulating land produced by extensive deposition of ALL THAT STUFF UP ON MT WILSON. Great place to build temporary housing. After all the houses got destroyed by fire, mud, and an earthquake, all Smiles from the Developers and Council who left Sierra Madre holding the bag.

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  48. They have their true believers to be sure. The propaganda was something like:
    Crawford mean
    Joe nice
    Maryann mean
    Joe nice

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  49. what happened in pasadena is they built those kinds of buildings, and in big qtys. then the city council decided that since they were built, they should be able to see a lot of sales tax revenue shortly. so they spent like they already had the money. only problem is the condos didn't sell, and the store fronts didn't rent. and now pasadena is in deep debt.

    which is what i suspect buchanan and mosca would do.

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  50. "It is the truly selfless poster who allows the content, along with the ideas contained within the conversation, take the lead. Plus it keeps you from being cussed out in the local fishwrappers. "

    This is classic

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  51. I have not seen the speech that caused such a fuss. Would Neuroblast put it online?

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  52. It is being worked on. We're calling it the Hail Mary speech.

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  53. channel 3 watcherApril 29, 2010 at 5:47 PM

    Hear hear Hail, the spokesman for the New Civility

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  54. Nice piece of inflammatory fiction. Too bad your readers will misinterpret this as if Mosca really said it.

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  55. a highly sophisticated artisan of the written word who deals in great ideas expressed with stunning clarityMay 5, 2010 at 6:57 PM

    It's called satire. And the Tattler readers are not like the pro-development, pro-submission to the state crowd who are blind with denial.

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  56. Dirts are dumb as paste.

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