Friday, August 3, 2012

The Tattler Solves All Of Sierra Madre's Financial Problems

Up until now the only way to deal with Sierra Madre's struggles with the financial bottom line was to either raise taxes or gin up some new reasons to charge people higher fees for things they've already paid to have done. Which is what fees are all about, you know. You pay the city a fee to do something, like check plans for that new addition to the house, while your taxes have already paid for the salary of the city employee looking at them. All in the name of "recouping costs." I'm telling you, it is quite an astonishing scam. Why people haven't broken out the hot tar, feathers and pitchforks over this is a mystery to me.

Let me be clear, I am here to assure you that those days will soon be a thing of the past. And why might that be? Because, and thanks to the tenacious news site reading skills of one very devoted Tattler contributor, we now have found a way to both financially sustain City Hall while at the same time give each and every weary Sierra Madre resident the tax relief they deserve.

And how do we do this? Sell advertising. This from Pittsburgh's Post-Gazette.com:

Pittsburgh expects to build revenue through advertising: Companies would be allowed to buy naming rights to city buildings and advertise on city vehicles and employee uniforms, at swimming pools and recreation centers, in city mailings and on benches and parking meters under legislation to be introduced today in Pittsburgh City Council.

The bill would allow advertising on the uniforms of city employees. Advertising would also be permitted on city-owned vehicles; "the whole vehicle may be wrapped or painted," the legislation says.

In addition, advertising would be permitted on the city website and city cable channel; as inserts in city mailings; on park structures, such as pavilions, pool houses and recreation centers; and on street furniture, such as benches, bike racks, parking meters, recycling bins and garbage cans.

I don't know about you, but I find this to be a very exciting idea, and one that would go a long way towards beefing up our troubled general fund. And think of the possibilities! How much do you think Prudential Realty would pay to have City Hall named after them? $7,500 a year? $10,000? No longer would it be the financially neutral Sierra Madre City Hall. No, it would now become Prudential Realty Sierra Madre City Hall!

And what local donut and pastry shop would not welcome the opportunity to have their message wrapped around a few Sierra Madre Police Department cruisers? "Follow me to Yum Yum Donuts!" That would be worth at least $5,000 per PD car I'd think.

Memorial Park? Talk about revenue neutral. How about The Only Place In Town Memorial Park? Complete with the Congregational Kodiaks, Bottle Shop Bandshell, Mary's Market Mews, Podley Playground and Sierra Madre Tattler Tennis Courts? I'd say there is at least $75,000 a year bundled into all of that.

Our one and only ambulance? The answer here is a rooftop ad that reads, "I'm being chased by Colantuono & Levin!"

Are you ready for the Sierra Madre Long Dragon Library? Complete with Happy's Children Reading Room?

Of course, my personal favorite would be the specially designed jackets and hats worn by the City Engineer, Development Services Director and all of the other downtown planning types that work so hard to keep our city structurally and esthetically sound.

And what will be the message written on these jackets and hats? "I Get Nuts At Arnold's Hardware!"

The possibilities are nearly endless. I'm telling you, our financial challenges are now so completely over.

http://sierramadretattler.blogspot.com

50 comments:

  1. Now Entering Moranistan

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  2. I'm having trouble with this. Would the highest bidder get there sign over something like 2 Girls lemonade stand? Would the mayor get to pick is friends to advertise on his car, would he get a % of the profit? I'll have to think about this one.

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  3. How about naming rights on private business?

    The Buc can become "Josh's Place".

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  4. Will they be able to use neon signs also?

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  5. The Athens Sanitation City Council

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  6. 1 Carter McMansions
    Sponsored by Mur-Sol Homes

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    Replies
    1. Free Dirt, Capital Source Bank

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    2. The Buxton Downtown Business Zone

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  7. This would be a great way to fund the library, if it is done for stadiums, why not get corporate sponsers to fund it.
    A simple sign saying funding in part by xyz Company on their wall.
    If the ymca can do it, why not our local government services.

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    Replies
    1. The library could start a 'products section' with offerings like Hello Kitty pencils and notebook paper.

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  8. I have an even better idea: stop wasting money.
    Start with no more fees to organizations of no value, and no more conventions.

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    Replies
    1. You got it, 7:29.

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    2. I think 7:29 is being inappropriate.

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    3. I think 1:14 is being incoherent.

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  9. Consultant Industrys Round A Bout

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    Replies
    1. The housing consultant Karen Warner Shufflin' Shuttle

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  10. "Signs" of the apocalypse, as if we needed more.

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  11. Tostitos Elementary

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  12. Oh Gosh, I hope this never happens. Guess that's why city hall makes us pay to not have advertising. Oh, this is just too horrible to think of. We could end up looking like Vegas at night.

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    Replies
    1. The lights would be on, but everybody would be home.

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  13. So we need to start charging Mary's Market for all the Mary's Market rocks they leave around town. That will boost the bottom line

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  14. I know! I know! How about the churchs voluntary donating the amount they are not charged in property tax as their fair share of the City's upkeep. A Special Institutional Donation! That ought to bring in some pieces of silver.

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    Replies
    1. What a great idea - a tithe for the churches.
      10-15% should do.

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    2. Jesus Saves, you should Invest in the Sierra Madre church of your choice. 10% of your tax-deductible contribution will go to the $7,000,000 Buchanan-Sempra-Edison Library.

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    3. That's the $ 7,000,000 Buchanan-Edison-Mosca-Sempre Library to you. Or BEMS for short.

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  15. Sierra Madre Tea Room Sidewalk

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  16. Mountain Views News Dog Walking Park

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  17. Edison Buchanan Court (Formerly Kersting)

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  18. This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

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    Replies
    1. Obviously your mind is in the Greg Galletly Gutter

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  19. 8:59, that is a great idea, that's like taking from the rich and giving to the poor, poor city hall. When I'm in church and look around I see faces from out of town. Looks like more that 65% are not from Sierra Madre. A church road use fee to pay for extra police and wear / tear on our streets. That seems only fair. You go 59.

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  20. The Lisa Volpe Memorial Spreading Grounds

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  21. Officer Henry Amos Target Range

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  22. Really Tattler - Complaining about plan check fees for permitting an addition to your home addition. You think it should be free because our taxes already go to pay for an employee to check them in the first place. Well, you libs everything would be free, no taxes, no growth, no jobs, but as the entitled Sierra Madreans believe everything should be free for them. Bunch of liberals no wonder the country is going to pot. You probably smoke your pot while writing your blog.

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    Replies
    1. I'd like to respond, but I'm having a hard time getting my mind small enough to get 11:31's perspective.

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    2. Supporting more money for government is liberal?
      What country are you posting from?

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    3. Somebody call Beantown and tell them they need to hose off their sidewalk.

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    4. Plan check for an addition on my house cost $942. For what?

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    5. Seems outrages. How big was the addition?

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  23. Not my fight here, but this is the first time I have ever read somebody claiming that paying double dip fees is conservative. Makes you wonder who exactly is doing the smoking.

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  24. I think 11:31 is Steve the Dirt turd.

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    Replies
    1. Definitely seems confused enough.

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  25. We already have an advertising banner in Vista Park (in the dog park). They only paid us $200 for the privilage. Maybe the Rose Float Assn. could find a sponsor to name their building?

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    Replies
    1. And pay the utilities?

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  26. Charge advertising fees for the restaurants where Brown Act violations are scheduled. "Four out of five corrupt policians choose our venue for their illegal meetings!"

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    Replies
    1. Ha! Or if your tab is over $94, we'll change the date on your receipt..

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  27. The Bob Matheson Sierra Madre Community Nursery. Logo could be a fly on the wall. Moto is "We lie, then we fly".

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  28. "I never met a boy I didn't like" Apologies to Will Rogers

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  29. The Bob Matheson Youth Activity Center Mentor Program.

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  30. I'm presuming all of you Tattlers have looked on the City website to see the four new advertised positions - a library page and three police officers, including an internal recruitment job paying up to $100,000 year plus $1,000 annual clothing allowance and generous additional benefits. What happened to the hiring freeze?

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