Monday, September 17, 2018

Televangelist Pat Robertson Casts Spell on Hurricane Florence

 Link to Pat's miracle here

Mod: Now that the hurricane has actually landed and is causing much of the havoc predicted well in advance by climate scientists, in retrospect it does appear that Pat Robertson's necromantic efforts didn't work quite as well as he'd hoped.

Televangelist Warlock Pat Robertson Casts Spell on Hurricane Florence (The Stranger link): As you know, the Southeastern United States is bracing itself for Hurricane Florence, a category 4 storm that could cause "catastrophic" damage once it reaches landfall this Friday. Millions of residents have been ordered to move inland, and Imbecile-in-Chief Donald Trump is keeping himself busy by arguing with Puerto Rican officials about how he didn't botch their hurricane disaster, like, at all.

But if you're concerned about the life-threatening conditions those in the South are facing... don't be! Because televangelist warlock Pat Robertson has cast a spell on the hurricane, which has forbidden it from touching America!

Normally in times of national crisis, self-proclaimed Christians such as Robertson pray for something good to happen and then go on about their business. However, this must be a pretty serious situation, because Robertson has apparently shunned his religion's historical hatred of the dark arts and has turned to witchcraft in order to stop the hurricane, casting a "shield of protection" over his home state of Virginia.

“In Jesus’ holy name, be out to sea!” Well. That should take care of it.

Pat Robertson Establishes A ‘Shield of Protection’ Against Hurricane Florence (Right Wing Watch link): Televangelist Pat Robertson spoke at a special prayer service at his Christian Broadcasting Network today, ordering Hurricane Florence not to harm any of his facilities and to turn back out to sea. At the moment, Hurricane Florence is a Category 4 storm that is expected to hit the eastern coast of the United States sometime later this week. In preparation, Robertson is declaring a “shield of protection” over his CBN network and Regent University and calling on God to intervene and turn the storm away from land.

Robertson claimed that when he first arrived in Virginia in 1961 to establish CBN, the region was threatened by Hurricane Esther, which he feared would destroy his fledgling network. As such, Robertson and his staff gathered in prayer and commanded the storm to shift course, which he claims miraculously happened because God stepped in to save CBN.

With another storm approaching, Robertson again gathered with CBN staff today to order Florence to veer away from land and produce no damage.

“I don’t want that thing to come in,” Robertson said. “I don’t want it to hurt Regent, I don’t want it to hurt CBN, I don’t want it to tear up the beautiful campus, I don’t want it to tear these trees down, I don’t want to see any damage, I don’t want a bunch of glass flowing, and I don’t want [damage] all over this area that is counting on us to pray for them.”

Robertson then commanded Florence, in the name of Jesus, to change its path away from land and to spin off into the Atlantic ocean.

“We declare in the name of the Lord that you shall go no farther, you shall do no damage in this area,” he said. “We declare a shield of protection all over Tidewater and we declare a shield of protection over those innocent people in the path of this hurricane. In Jesus’ holy name, be out to sea!”

Robertson then assured those who had gathered in prayer that they will “live to mark this day” as the moment when their prayers guaranteed that “we are not going to let Hurricane Florence hurt us.”

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67 comments:

  1. The rumor is Rob Stockley is bringing Dr. Robertson in to help with the library.

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  2. Take a long look at those Warlocks casting spells like 'trumpy' tries while sitting in the White House, while staying low from those Which hunts?

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  3. Apparently Dr. Robertson's commandments unto the Lord are not working for Donald, either.

    Republicans In Shock As Only 25% of Midterm Voters Support Trump
    https://www.politicususa.com/2018/09/16/republican-polling-found-that-only-25-of-midterm-voters-support-trump.html

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  4. Pat Robertson in 1980 predicting Armageddon for 1982.
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uDT3krve9iE

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    Replies
    1. You're going to need one of Pat's Armageddon survival kits.

      Jim Bakker: Evangelical Armageddon Prepper Supply Salesman
      http://www.indarktimes.com/jim-bakker-evangelical-armageddon-prepper-supply-salesman/

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  5. Hurricane hit Davidson College in 1995, outside of Charlotte, NC, did some damage. I would imagine they are trying to cope with Florence right now. Guess God doesn't like Presbyterians either.

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  6. You attack the new messiaha president Donald J Trump,now you attack Jesus,may god have mercies on your soul.

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    Replies
    1. Get thee behind me, Satan.

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    2. We are attacking two false prophets.
      Join us for your salvation

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    3. I have always held Gallup up as America's polling gold standard. If I had to follow only one poll, I'd choose Gallup. That being said, Gallup's poll find's Trump at 38% Approval and 56% Disapproval: Minus 18%.

      https://news.gallup.com/home.aspx

      Delete
  7. GOP candidate for Texas governor: I’d ‘gladly’ kill gay people
    https://www.lgbtqnation.com/2017/12/texas-gop-candidate-said-hed-gladly-kill-gay-people/

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  8. Many Americans are extremely concerned that a very creepy porn President who has unprotected sex with porn stars is now nominating very creepy men like himself to be judges.

    ReplyDelete
  9. Florence's slow exit means 'catastrophic and historic river flooding will continue for days'
    https://www.cnn.com/2018/09/17/us/florence-monday-wxc/index.html

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    Replies
    1. Yeah duh. God had one listen from Robertson and said "not so fast, old chump". Robertson and his ilk make me sick.

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    2. He is a witch! Burn the witch!

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    3. No, he's just an old fart who spoke BS for a living.

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  10. Robertson usually attributes disasters to his god's vengeance against liberals. Maybe his god is punishing red staters for Trump's sins.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. To say that God speaks through Pat Robertson is blasphemy.

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    2. Pat preys on clueless suckers. You know, like Trump voters.

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    3. 8:16 just like politicians do.

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  11. Where is that guy with his "Nike market cap" comments now?

    Nike stock hits new record following Kaepernick 'Just Do It' ad controversy
    https://www.usatoday.com/story/money/2018/09/16/nike-sales-brisk-despite-kaepernick-controversy/1307506002/

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Old information. Actually, the fools who bought the stock made a bunch of us rich when we sold our stock at the inflated price. Good luck fools trying to sell at a profit. Lmao all the way to the bank.

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    2. I don't think any bank would pay interest on your laughing ass.

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    3. Laughing Ass is full of crap.

      Delete
    4. Another lmao moron.

      Delete
    5. It you didn’t sell at the top- you sold the day it went down. You even said so. Now you backpedaling...

      Troll got trumped!

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    6. Played tennis today with three of my female friends. Two, one Democrat and one Republican were wearing Nike clothes. Gotta go by my Nikes.

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  12. You gotta guve it to Pat Robertson he turned Florence out to sea just as Jesus parted the Red Sea, miracles do happen.

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    Replies
    1. Indeed. Who needs Moses?

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    2. And all the flooding, 8:15 - do you attribute that to Pat Robertson? The one year old who died because his mother lost her hold on him? Was that Robertson's doing. Hmm, maybe because the kid was black.

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  13. 8:04am. At the moment Nike $4.95 a share, awe, that's a big money investment for most of us traders! The stock has fallen 3% in last few days, the bull market has run and now all that is left is the Bull.

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    Replies
    1. Read any article that doesn't have a Russian origin, fool face. Stock price is in the middle $80s.

      Delete
  14. Preachers and politicians are all the same. Liars, thieves and hypocrites. And to those of you who prayed for Florence not to hit the states, how did that workout for you?

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  15. Laugh out Loud, the hurricane was "predicted" well in advance by climate scientists! What did they all do, study the century old seasonal patterns of hurricanes to come up with that one. Amazing what written history can tell us.

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    Replies
    1. There were satellite pictures.

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    2. This hurricane didn’t follow historic trends. One of the reasons satellite data helped save so many lives.

      Troll fail

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    3. Pat's intercession caused the hurricane to come ashore.

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    4. too bad he didn't come to watch and get swept out to sea.

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    5. 12:03 - Too bad Robertson didn't bring his buddy the Orange Menace to watch, and they both get swept out to sea. Oh, yeah, Trump was probably playing golf, or tweeting about how "tremendous" Kavanaugh is.

      Delete
  16. It has been established that Puerto Rican's cant count their populace living on the island, President Trump is not arguing with officials he has just said; lace up your bootstraps and get it together.

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    Replies
    1. Trump killed thousands there by withholding aid. Add mass murderer to a list that includes treason and fraud.

      Delete
  17. 7:50am. Jack Kennedy has been dead for years.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. How come Trump's babes always turn against him? Lousy lay?

      Delete
  18. 'trumpy' murdered thousands in Porto Rico 2017 by withholding life saving aid, crimes against humanity this includes treason and fraud just more reasons to eject his little mind out of the White House in 2018.

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  19. Surfer girl Christine ain't no Sandra Dee from the movie Grease, she's more of a Betty Rizzo; "Troy Donahue, get your filthy paws off my silky draws" , Psych heal yourself, that woman is cray cray.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Typical slander coming from a member of the Greedy Old Perverts party.

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    2. Why do all of these women call foul decades after the alleged incident? Just a question from an educated woman. I was in their position once and boy did I report it. That was over 40 years ago.

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    3. In a creepy right wing convergence, Brett Kavanaugh’s high school friend Mark Judge has written pieces attacking rape victims for Holocaust denier Chuck C. Johnson’s blog. http://lgf.bz/2pb3jrd

      Take notes, 11:38.

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    4. One small rape in HS should not preclude him from being a Supreme Court Justice.

      Delete
    5. Are you the product of an unholy union between a man and a goat? Obviously you are not completely human.

      Delete
  20. OH my, Birds of a Feather. Into the open.

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  21. If open season was declared on televangelists they would all be dead in thirty minutes and the world would be a safer place and a more Christian place.

    ReplyDelete
  22. Judge Clarence Thomas is Black and the Progressive Dems attempted to lynch him to keep him off the bench using sex as a divider of political parties. Now the Progressive Liberals stall with sex recollections of High School swimming pool parties and teens.
    Leadership does not exhist in the Dems party.

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    Replies
    1. How cute. A Republican rape apologist.

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    2. Obama was a radical Christian Muslim from Kenya! Sandy hook never happened! Climate change is a Chinese hoax!

      Clarence Thomas was accused by a black woman who still stands by her story over 20 years later

      Delete
    3. Right wing radicals stole the nominee from obama!

      Delete
  23. Poster boy Roy Moore the perceived pervert society has been following their leaders advice (donald j trump), grab a piece for yourself boys it's all for us to screw.

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    Replies
    1. Donald Trump supported the pedophile Roy Moore. What wouldn't he support someone who attempted rape?

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  24. Where’s the rules regarding questioning a witness ? Just throw her to the wolves with no background check into the allegations? What a scam. Some boneheaded petty crime shoplifter gets more investigative check into the crime than a potential Supreme Court justice ? Wow. What’s the rush?

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  25. Hello, i am an ilk and i am happy i make you sick 7:56am. I enjoy listening to Reverend Pat Robertson.
    In Jesus name bless you.

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    Replies
    1. You're an ilk? Is that another term for Russian?

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    2. 6:41 a bit whacked, probably voted for the orange baboon too. Usually when one displays the religious whackado trait there a dump minion too.

      Delete
  26. When the Kavanaugh nomination fails, and I'm pretty sure it will. Just a hunch. There won't be enough time before the midterms to vote on another nominee, correct??

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  27. Any mention of hurricanes in the Bible? Well, then they don't exhist.

    ReplyDelete
  28. Correct 6:51pm a thunder bolt of lightning will strike down Judge Ginsberg where she sits and President Trump will appoint two new Judges since hunches and a loss of memory from the Liberal Professor's testimony do not stand up in a credibility court of law.

    ReplyDelete

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