Televangelist Pat Robertson Casts Spell on Hurricane Florence

 Link to Pat's miracle here

Mod: Now that the hurricane has actually landed and is causing much of the havoc predicted well in advance by climate scientists, in retrospect it does appear that Pat Robertson's necromantic efforts didn't work quite as well as he'd hoped.

Televangelist Warlock Pat Robertson Casts Spell on Hurricane Florence (The Stranger link): As you know, the Southeastern United States is bracing itself for Hurricane Florence, a category 4 storm that could cause "catastrophic" damage once it reaches landfall this Friday. Millions of residents have been ordered to move inland, and Imbecile-in-Chief Donald Trump is keeping himself busy by arguing with Puerto Rican officials about how he didn't botch their hurricane disaster, like, at all.

But if you're concerned about the life-threatening conditions those in the South are facing... don't be! Because televangelist warlock Pat Robertson has cast a spell on the hurricane, which has forbidden it from touching America!

Normally in times of national crisis, self-proclaimed Christians such as Robertson pray for something good to happen and then go on about their business. However, this must be a pretty serious situation, because Robertson has apparently shunned his religion's historical hatred of the dark arts and has turned to witchcraft in order to stop the hurricane, casting a "shield of protection" over his home state of Virginia.

“In Jesus’ holy name, be out to sea!” Well. That should take care of it.

Pat Robertson Establishes A ‘Shield of Protection’ Against Hurricane Florence (Right Wing Watch link): Televangelist Pat Robertson spoke at a special prayer service at his Christian Broadcasting Network today, ordering Hurricane Florence not to harm any of his facilities and to turn back out to sea. At the moment, Hurricane Florence is a Category 4 storm that is expected to hit the eastern coast of the United States sometime later this week. In preparation, Robertson is declaring a “shield of protection” over his CBN network and Regent University and calling on God to intervene and turn the storm away from land.

Robertson claimed that when he first arrived in Virginia in 1961 to establish CBN, the region was threatened by Hurricane Esther, which he feared would destroy his fledgling network. As such, Robertson and his staff gathered in prayer and commanded the storm to shift course, which he claims miraculously happened because God stepped in to save CBN.

With another storm approaching, Robertson again gathered with CBN staff today to order Florence to veer away from land and produce no damage.

“I don’t want that thing to come in,” Robertson said. “I don’t want it to hurt Regent, I don’t want it to hurt CBN, I don’t want it to tear up the beautiful campus, I don’t want it to tear these trees down, I don’t want to see any damage, I don’t want a bunch of glass flowing, and I don’t want [damage] all over this area that is counting on us to pray for them.”

Robertson then commanded Florence, in the name of Jesus, to change its path away from land and to spin off into the Atlantic ocean.

“We declare in the name of the Lord that you shall go no farther, you shall do no damage in this area,” he said. “We declare a shield of protection all over Tidewater and we declare a shield of protection over those innocent people in the path of this hurricane. In Jesus’ holy name, be out to sea!”

Robertson then assured those who had gathered in prayer that they will “live to mark this day” as the moment when their prayers guaranteed that “we are not going to let Hurricane Florence hurt us.”

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